www.onevoice.org.ph

I wanted to make a separate entry for this, seeing how powerful it is to spread ideas even to the few people who visit my blog. And amidst the threat of a pseudo-dictatorship or destructive anarchy or both, I can recall truly powerful lines from one of my favorite movies (and graphic novels) of all time, V for Vendetta:

"You cannot kill me. There is no flesh and blood within this cloak to kill.
There is only an idea. And ideas are bulletproof."

Yes, over and above bloodshed, we have shared ideas. It is in the immense power of our principles and the bushfire spread of such ideas where we may find the salvific democracy we long for --- an understanding, a personal vindication against social hopelessness, a committed participation, and a unifying cause, all for the promise of such a glorious democracy. How so many people speak of the American Dream, when we can dream so much more for our beloved country. Can we not speak of it? Of the Philippine Dream? And soon the cancer of our society will transform into an overwhelming concerned civilian force, looking for small but coordinated solutions to the deeply embedded problems of corruption, apathy and lack of hope.

Enter One Voice. A caucus of civilians and concerned groups that still dream lovingly for their country. Briefly, they propose a 5-step process towards social renewal:

1. Discontinuance of the present "people's initiative";
2. A social reform program now;
3. Elections in 2007 as scheduled, as an indirect referendum, and electoral reform now;
4. If necessary, a constitutional convention (not a "con-ass") after the 2007 elections, and;
5. A collective effort to rebuild the trustworthiness of our democratic institutions.

If you'd like to support this cause, simply follow the sign-up instructions in their website. If you'd like to read their position paper that fully explains the context and the implementation of the abovementioned 5-step process, click here.

It's about time we end the division and speak with One Voice.

sunshine in a gloomy day

Most people unknowingly match their disposition with the weather. Oh it's overcast; I feel sad today. But truth is, there's a lot of sunshine around if we choose to embrace it.

Today is all about my invisible sunflowers and daisies --- vast sunshine in spite of the grey skies.

1. Celebrating my sister's birthday in spirit.
   
2. Hakaw and Siomai at the neighborhood Chinese tea house with my sister.
3. Razon's Special Halo-halo.
4. Receiving a sampaguita garland from strangers in the car in front of mine while stuck in traffic.
5. Mango Embrace cake and adobo flakes pasta at Fleur de Lys.
6. A good laugh and an interesting story amidst college friends.
7. Three hours of bonding with a girlfriend over Tropical Passion and Double Vanilla Tea Lattes.
8. Planning for a gourmet cooking evening for Friday.

Nothing really life changing happened today, but it was a good day nevertheless. I think, if only people would pay more attention to these little nice things, then no cloudy skies can ever bring shadows to the days of our lives.

text message

I use the dictionary function when I compose text messages on my mobile phone because it's faster to produce sentences for someone, such as myself, who refuses to use text language (unless it's an international SMS message) nor distort our languages' proper usage. (e.g. tulog na me. dito na me way.)

For those who don't understand how this function works, the dictionary feature for text messages have stored words or registers uncommon words that are frequently used. The feature makes such words readily available as a default for certain buttons pressed. But when you end up not using a particular word, it is erased off default for more words to be used.

Today I found myself composing text messages hypothetically and ended up pressing these buttons:

6-9-2-4

Months ago, through the dictionary function, these buttons would immediately spell out MWAH. Now it spells out NYAH, and no amount of asterisk pressing can shift it to a different word.

Not a frequently used word anymore. What I'm trying to say is, I miss being able to send out such words of affection to someone who is entitled to it. I miss sending sweet nothings. I miss the intimacy. I miss this... but there's no better way than this.

"THE" Job

At some point during your entire job hunt, you come across the job. The ultimate one that you've been waiting for. The job that will bring you a different level of joy (not just happiness) if you do land it. And you don't even need to experience it to know you're going to be happy with it. It just is. Your ideal. Your perfect glove fit.

So what do you do?

Nothing.

That's the thing. You can't do anything but wait for the application to progress. Leave your fate in the hands of your future employers. A reality in the job race is that it isn't about who exerted the most effort in finding a job --- it's about who has the best timing to receive a job offer. And man, I am praying so hard that this is the perfect timing that I've been waiting for.

On the other hand, perhaps, there's no harm in offering a tray of eggs or two to Santa Clara this afternoon. Hehe.

The Fray and Perspectives

*Select Verses*

All At Once (Lyrics)
Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it,
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

How To Save A Life (Lyrics)
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Heaven Forbid (Lyrics)
Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

It feels good. Is that reason enough for you.
It feels good. Is that reason enough for you.

Oceans (Lyrics)
Figure since I'm so far gone, oceans away, I can lay my saber down today.
I miss the words. I love the words, you did not say.
I miss the kiss you never gave away.
There goes the sun, oceans away
And days die young when you're gone and you're gone
There goes the sun, oceans away
And leaves the day for someone else

commitment issues?

This was one of those posts I was supposed to finish, but never did. Sorry sa mga pinaasa ko. Haha!

Anyway, this picture right here is actually me, wearing my sister's wedding gown. I modeled it for her over webcam (because she's in New York), just to show her that the PhP6,000 duchess satin creation is in fact very, very stunning. Anyway, I decided to put myself in fantasy world and added that luminous butterfly I seem to be extra melancholic about.

[You are my hero, Adobe Photoshop.]

They say so many words are captured in a single photograph. Well, this here is metaphorical me. Amidst the grand concept of eternal commitment.

Imagining it at best, yes. That could be me wearing the gown. I am quite capable of wearing that gown. To some even, I'm probably one of the more eligible to be clothed in ivory white.

But to capture that light before me, beyond the touch of shimmering satin, is a different story... I can only behold the brightness with my forlorn eyes at the moment, as it flutters away. Flutters by. That darn butterfly. A symbol of complete metamorphosis and acceptance of the darkness before beauty can be had. The plunge to an illimitable abyss and to wake up and fly away with such joyful struggles. That I cannot do. Yet.

It comes to a point when you wonder when you'll ever be ready. But I pray, oh every day I pray, that some day I can touch that light and I will no longer be merely clothed in such a deceiving darkness. May the Dark vanish and there will only be me and my Sun.

goodbye sickness!

After months of being ruri-un (or sickly), I just stopped being sick.

Case in point, last night, I went jogging with a friend even though it was drizzling. And strangely, I didn't end up having a mild fever or yet another dry cough episode, as I probably would have if I did this months ago. And mornings are not as physically tormenting anymore. And my perennial back pain also vanished. And I can cover the UP Oval for two hours straight and still be productive enough for the evening.

I guess my body has been speaking to me more blatantly than ever, at the presence of psychological and physical conflict. I just paid no attention, until today. Bottomline, this change thing should be for the best. [Yes, I keep rationalizing every day.]

waking up earlier than usual

perhaps it helps to wake up earlier than the ordinary time... to excite yourself to a new day's possibilities and to just can't wait to experience something new. and when i talk about waking up here, it cuts across so many forms of slumber.

breakfast won't be in another hour or so. but i don't have to go back to sleep.

---
and by the way, i just deleted my friendster account. as in just now. phew.

because i realized this is not the way i want to find out how my friends are doing. i'd like to find out how they are simply by emailing or texting or CALLING them DIRECTLY. to some extent, i have to admit, medyo low EQ yung friendster. things don't have to be this conveniently aloof.

the angel amidst the frightening night

I think for most people my age, because the transition is more real than we normally would think, we are faced with that petrifying moment of stopping short with dropped jaws, staring at the monstrous edifice that covers us in shadow, and just realizing we have to make a move. Now. For our own survival. That is every person's frightening night of self-realization. It is a point when our qualifications crumble and the reality of the world is set in place. And if we are to survive, we have no choice but to accept and be open to the countless possibilities that may happen. Mistakes and failure included.

But God must love me so much, he made sure someone --- an angel amidst the frightening night --- will whisper to my ear precisely the words so many people have long been afraid to say. "It does not have to be this way if only you will it so."

If this entry had been written earlier, I would have been very particular about anonymity. More often than not, I get annoyed by blogs that have become (to some) such pitiful attempts to garner attention to specific persons. Anonymity is generally more appropriate, in my opinion. But in this case, my angel deserves the beaming audience (myself included).

My angel is miguel manuel dorotan.

If we were just ordinary people, it would have been impossible for me to express my gratitude for your mature love while apologizing for how this chapter had to end. But migs, you made it a tall order of virtue that became worthwhile and cathartic. You made it a miracle. And in doing so, you are the miracle.

I will keep your noble, majestic image carved in my grateful heart. And even if it has to be this way, I will gaze at you and understand what life truly stands for. A million thanks.

by invitation only

i've been telling people, it's strange how i've always gone all out --- almost prostituting myself ---- in order to plan out the perfect (not necessarily grand) birthday celebration for the special people in my life. this one's no exception. the birthday celebrant just happens to be my very self. hehe.

i'm trying to keep this celebration at a manageable number, so wait for your tickets, dear friends. and witness how memorable this evening will be.

forever

there is no such thing as forever. but even as change is something we cannot live without, we work things out only when we enter into a commitment with forever in mind.

the soundtrack of my life

all of a sudden, music became the very air of my existence.

i've never spoken about a personal hobby, even when people talk about the sports, the cooking, the photography, the literature and every other -ing or -y or -ure there is known to mankind. it dawned on me today though (and with an almost frustrated "finally") that, indeed, i am obsessed with music. i listen to these seemingly incoherent sounds and find sense in the orchestra of beats and bass and guitars. i drown in this interplay of elements. and the voice speaks... oh the voice that is enchanting, like a siren's song. but most of all, the poetry that comes with every created masterpiece has this much to say about the life we toil through every day. the poetry becomes my daily soundtrack.

i finally found out what really captures my attention: MUSIC. and many people out there are just like me. you'd wonder how the Ipod became such a hit, hence, we find commuters, for instance, boarding the LRT with some form of mp3 player to fiddle around with.

if there's anything that hasn't changed about me (only improved perhaps), it has to be my penchant for the great melodies.

all hail contemporary music.

311, a perfect circle, alicia keys, bamboo, ben harper, bush, coldplay, death cab for cutie, editors, elliott smith, embrace, esthero, frou frou, fuel, garbage, gavin de graw, guster, imago, incubus, jack johnson, jason mraz, jars of clay, jewel, john mayer, jose gonzales, lamb, martina topley-bird, matchbox 20, n.e.r.d., orange and lemons, paramita, pete yorn, powderfinger, richard ashcroft, rob thomas, smashing pumpkins, stonefree, sugarfree, switchfoot, the cardigans, the dandy warhols, the eraserheads, the verve, U2, up dharma down, vertical horizon

being "adulterous" to the schedule

New Year normally starts off with my natural high of constructing the most complicated and rather rigid schedule of "to do" list. I never realized it until today but I have actually institutionalized this as a RITUAL every single New Year for the past, say, ten years? It's just the revelry of a fresh start that tickles my OC-ness and lo, behold! Schedules and budgets and personal targets are written down nicely (sometimes printed) in finest detail. So, you think you've made a new year's resolution and you're damn proud of it? Wait til you see my new year's agenda!

But as in any new year's resolution, it starts out promising... ends up in ruins. The sticky part in planning for things is really keeping up with the plans. Exhibit A: Myself. Right Now. Wasting yet another fifteen minutes composing a blog entry. And totally violating my oh-so-sacred commitment to the schedule I've set for the next, erm, two weeks. When will I learn?

Well, I guess that's just my system creeping up to me, saying, "Hey you need a little spontaneity in your life?" Go and crack the mold. Being "adulterous" to the schedule may have its disadvantages (e.g. sleepless nights) but it's still fun. The adrenalin rush is of course exhilarating.

Happy new year! I'm ready for some spicing up. c",)

putting out the fire: pyro olympics soaked

and it rained. and being drenched became negligible. and the sun and moon henna was a total waste of P50.

but it was the most memorable rainy day spent with Apple and Ogge. Missed you so much, guys. Thank you for the fireworks. It was such a beautiful evening. c",)

the reading marathon

Today, I am in the mood for a reading marathon. [as if I'm no speed reader already.]

Whilst the family's away in separate engagements, I decided to stay home until around 3PM to accomplish a massive load of holiday homework. Right now, imagine it if you may, I am reading and producing a summary/book report for a 198-page book called Getting to Yes, while surfing for information on the 6th WTO Ministerial Conference which happens to have a 44-page Ministerial Declaration and an 88-page Briefing Notes document. But it doesn't end there, I will be reading Sun Tzu's Art of War afterwards (online condensed version, I don't even want to count the number of pages!) and again, transform it into another book report.

Again, all these things hopefully 50% accomplished before 3PM. By then I will shut down this psychotic, workaholic drive and reward myself with good company on an early new year escapade. Off with Apple and Ogge and hopefully other people to frolic around at The Esplanade, to watch the 40-minute spectacle that is the World Pyro Olympics, while being serenaded by Orange and Lemons.

Aaahh. Yes. Balance of work and play. c",) <-- I miss this 'special' smiley!

PS: Normally, people write blog entries at the end of the day. And here I am, pre-empting the events of the day instead? Hehehe.

the most christmas-sy feeling in years

this year, I spent the least amount of money for Christmas presents. and yet it still makes a lot of sense to say that this year, to me, rendered the most christmas-sy feeling in years. =)

first, i finally afforded a special Christmas wish after completing the 9-day Simbang Gabi novena -- my first time to ever accomplish so. It helped perhaps to have someone with you toiling through the early morning sacrifice. Or it helped to have the option to hear anticipated mass in the evening. But nevertheless, it's quite a refreshing (and rather liberating) feeling, indeed. When it came down to the last mass and I had that "special wish" at hand, I had no second thoughts in offering it for someone else's welfare. ( you know who you are, I pray for that 99% every day, hon!) And you know what, it actually felt good --- this is no other than the Christmas spirit finally seeping through my heart.

this year's Christmas season also ushered in the most opportunities to be with my family and loved ones. yes, we're finally complete (ate pam's home!) and are graced with the presence of additional "special guests" around the house! (welcome, TJ, David, Sam and Sir Kent!) But as if the presence is not enough, the crazy surprises our family got into really made sense out of the entire Christmas season; this is after all a season of joy, now made more felt as a season of uncontrollable laughter. The exchange gift agreement (supposedly instead of giving gifts to all the members of the family) was a reminder to me once again that the most valuable things in life need not be tagged with extravagant price tags. it was quite tough to limit gifts for special people at a meager P100 per gift, but I personally felt it made the Christmas gift-giving more meaningful. it was a return to what matters most in life, and a nudge to say that love cannot be measured by money. And of course, I really had a blast with the family's spectacular noche buena --- made star-studded in the presence of movie stars such as Gollum, Queen Amidala, King Kong, Batman, Darth Vader, Shrek and the Little Mermaid. Halloween truly came in a little late in our family as we all did away with our inhibitions to arrive to the dinner table dressed in the most absurd (and rather challenging) costumes. fyi, i dressed as gollum and carried a smelly fish throughout the night.. go figure!

finally, this year, I felt a lot of warmth in the company of good friends --- old and new. i felt it important to make a connection with the people i hold dear, and that meant really making an effort to reach out to them. i felt love hovering over my body and spirit; but more importantly, i was holding forgiveness back and finally letting it burst out. this season is the most Christmas-sy it could get because the generosity of the self liberated me sufficiently, ready now to face a new year.

I have nothing else to say but i love you...and you and you.. you who have touched my life in a very special way.

missing you

absence makes the heart grow fonder... in my case, absence leads me to philosophizing. no need to discuss that though.

sigh. barely four hours since we parted ways, and I'm missing you already. Stay safe. Come home soon. I'll be right here waiting.

the honeymoon stage

Barely two months into the relationship, and it all seems so ethereal. I catch myself often, trying to cushion the future by saying miguel and I are in a honeymoon stage -- a stage of romanticism so to speak --- just to somehow condition myself in the unfortunate event of a more settled in and rather detached arrangement in the future.

But as each day spent with him passes, I ask, "who am I kidding?" To pre-empt these things is unfair to that mysterious thing called love. Perhaps it comes with trauma or personal defense mechanisms. But, really, why the need to make assumptions so early on in the game? After all, I am enjoying every minute of the present, and are harboring no regrets. For all we know, this honeymoon stage might turn out to be more than a stage but a constant state of mind. [Secretly hoping it does.. wait, not so secret anymore! Hehe.]

Extremely optimistic and warm and fuzzy right now, while listening to Sugarfree's Makita Kang Muli. Beautiful, life is. :)

easy listening

thank you, enzo, for the music. (and i sound like abba.)

porcelain / sunrise, paramita
you with the marble eyes
fragile with porcelain bones
you look at the stars and you wonder why
are you as hungry as i?
(yesterday's news but still new to me)

i can't see me
or someone i used to be
i can't see you now
or someone who used to be you
are you someone new?
are you someone i used to know?
have you been there before?
have you seen me before?

when was the last time you cried
i think it was centuries ago
a stake through the heart
and sunrise will keep you away

death becomes him

Today, I went to Holy Gardens Cemetery in Antipolo with Migs and Veej to visit Delro, their sophomore HS classmate who left this world at the tender age of 15 years. That fateful day was April 11, 1999; it was an alleged suicide more than 7 years ago.

We positioned the flowers on the stone. And silence fell among the three of us.

For a time, Migs and I were just quietly standing beside his tombstone, while Veej was generously cleaning his space. Migs was taking memento pictures here and there, while Veej would mutter about how inconsiderate the cemetery administration was for allowing tractors to pass by the tombs. Throughout that time, I could feel the chill of nostalgia, mixed with the warmth of eternal friendship.

Migs and Veej started sharing stories about the person that was Paolo Del Rosario, fondly called "Delro." This dude broke so many girls' hearts, started the "Raw is War" tradition, was part of the contingent who destroyed a VCD player in one of those "playing hooky" days and so many more. And I said to myself, here were two friends, with unspeakable and honorable loyalty, visiting an old friend with such tenderness and faithfulness that transcends mortal life. I could not help but feel overpoweringness amidst them.

Sometimes, it is so convenient for people facing a difficult reality to forget. To shut out the noise of the truth. But to me, the ultimate manifestation of inner strength and love is to face and accept and bow down to the reality that is called life --- including everything that goes with it --- while remaining sincere and loyal a year or seven years or decades henceforth.

I don't think I have ever seen loyalty among friends as strong as what I witnessed today.