I'm so happy for K!

Song of the Moment: Avenue by Daydream Cycle

I know it's too early to make any conclusions, but I just want to say that I'm so happy for my friend K. :-)

You see, our group has generally been an all-girl group... in more ways than one. Out of the fourteen girls in the barkada, only four are in fairly stable relationships at the moment... the rest are "single" with two who broke it off with their boyfriends fairly recently. Well, you get the message. 

What I find amazing at this point in time is that, some of them are still what you can call SSB or Single Since Birth. Mind you, these girls are highly substantial, beautiful and driven women --- best catches, boys! So I firmly believe that they each deserve only the best... and I wonder at the same time why the male population of the world just can't see that. Sigh!

 

So anyway... when an SSB girlfriend finally finds the perfect window of opportunity, the whole group celebrates! Yahoo!!! It's just a beautiful, wonderful thing. Purely good vibes, no hang-ups, just going with the flow. So she gets asked out, just say yes! So they party with friends, just enjoy! So they rock it at the dancefloor, just feel the rhythm! Yay! 

I won't go into details here because I refuse to be the point of hearsay, but I just want to say that I am so so so so happy for YOU, K. And whatever happens, we'll be right here, on stand-by, eagerly waiting for a blow by blow account. We're 23-25 years old already; and contrary to popular notion, it's not too late yet. We're actually at the prime of our lives... and I want my single friends to enjoy every minute of that. 

So jubilant is the word. :-)

PS: I'm actually kinda getting tired of being the only one who brings a plus one to get-together dinners. It's seriously getting old, girls. So let's go! Hehehe. :-)

The Week I'll Never Get Back

Song of the Moment: The Man Who Can’t Be Moved by The Script 

Today is August 24, 2008. Around 6 days ago, I started contracting a virus of unknown proportions. It was the common cold, except I could have sworn it’s the highly mutated one. Think of how say Charmander from Pokemon, when summoned, becomes that almost evil orange dragon Charizard that can petrify other Pokemon monsters in fear. Or like Frankenstein’s monster if the Common Cold was actually named Frankenstein. So anyway, I was huffin’ and puffin’ and wheezin’ and sneezin’ for 5 full days, with temperatures almost halfway through boiling points... And it was just the common cold!

The two doctors gave me six different kinds of drugs: one for my fever, one for my cough & colds, one for allergies, one effervescent with high-potent vitamin C, another effervescent mucolytic and a saline solution to use for nasal irrigation. It was sheer torture. I felt like an old woman at a retirement home --- you know, when you’re given these little paper cups of your daily medication, and sometimes, you dread it so much that you want to “fake take” it. But I had to, or else I’ll never be able to get out of prison... So I took mine either three times a day or at night to drug me to sleep. 

I realized I haven’t been sick in bed for that long in ages. There was a part of me that kept on nudging, telling me how utterly useless I am at that point in time --- MISSING A LOT at work, BIG TIME. On the other hand, I thought to myself that I probably needed all that bed rest. And it was refreshing to prioritize just myself for a change. 

I am the grown-up outlet.

Song of the Moment: Stripper by Soho Dolls

Do you have a system of categorizing the people you hang out with based on what you feel like doing? I do. For instance...

• I go out with TBC for the ultimate food trips around and to feel good about myself by reminiscing about past achievements.
  
• I go out with TB to talk about light aspects of life and to reminisce about simpler days.
  
• I go out with J to splurge money without a care for tomorrow.
  
• I chat with or have meals with the F to talk about family issues or plans vis-à-vis the business.
  
• I used to run with A or have coffee with A&R to talk about heartache and love problems.
  
• I used to have coffee with KM to get a different perspective on things.
  
• I used to have dinner with EM or G to talk about work and career.
  
• I used to have margaritas with CJNJJ and others, to have a good laugh and indulge in light conversations.  
  
• Finally,  I go out with E to be myself, that is everything in between all the going out with different people.   
  

What I am particularly interested in is this: What aspect of other people’s life am I in? Am I the go-to person for heartache and love problems? Am I the person one can have long talks with because I’m an excellent listener? Am I the person who can give sound advise about work and career? Am I the person to bring along in bars and parties? Am I the person one can easily whisk away on an impromptu road trip or travel?

I am not really sure how people categorize me... But I do know that there are some categories I would like to be fielded in too. It’s like being drafted into a Baseball Team. Everyone knows you’re a good batter, but then for a change, you’d like to be the pitcher or the baseman. You don’t have to be so good at it, but then, you know you’ll have fun throwing those unexpected curved balls or shoving the ball to a batter’s face.

• I want to be the person you can stay late nights out with.
  
• I want to be the person you can easily pull for an impromptu road trip or plane trip abroad.
  
• I want to be the person you can have several drinks with or go dancing with.
  
• I want to be the person who will do body shots with you.
  
• I want to be the person you can wake up the next morning to, crashed next to you after a late night jamming session.
  
• I want to be the person who can go skinny dipping with you in some remote, deserted beach resort.
  
• I want to be the person who will go condo/house hunting with you.
  
• I want to be the person who will go scuba diving with you.
  
• I want to be the person who will take salsa lessons with you.
  
• I want to be the person who will take boxing sessions with you.
  
• I want to be the person who will camp out at Mt. Makiling with you.
  
• I want to be the person who will do body painting with you or paint-using-our-bodies with you.
  
• I want to be the person who will attend a weekly book club with you.
  
• I want to be the person who will fly kites with you.
  
• I want to be the person who will dance under the rain with you.
  

 
I don’t want to be the grown-up outlet all the time. I really want to do outrageous things with you. Really. So, are you up for all this? Ready when you are.

The Green-Eyed Monster

Song of the Moment: Circles by Incubus

Person A: I love you.
Person B: I love you too.
Person A: Anyway, I should go. My friends are waiting.
Person B: Oh yes. Of course. Have fun.
Person A: Bye!
Person B: ....

Now alone...
Person B1: Why is he enjoying this too much?
Person B2: Because he’s with friends he enjoys hanging out with.
Person B1: But what if there are hot women in the group who will bait him in?
Person B2: But you know what kind of a person he is. Trust him. He deserves that.
Person B1: But, does he miss this kind of life? Does he want to be a bachelor again?
Person B2: You’re jumping into conclusions.
Person B1: What if he begins to want this kind of life more now that he had a taste of it?
Person B2: Shush. You worry too much.  
Person B1: But...
Person B2: Zip it.

Loyalty to Myself, Loyalty to Something Greater than Myself

Song of the Moment:  All I Have to Do is Dream by Ben Harper

“My loyalty to my party ends where my loyalty to my country begins.”

No, this won’t be an entry about nationalism. Today, I would like to talk about making choices based on loyalties --- to something bigger than yourself versus what you’ve always wanted for yourself. 

My last entry was simply about being afraid. Well, I obviously was. I feared for the impending weekend that will have the entire family away from the world to talk about who we are and what we’ll do in the context of the family business. At the moment, I’m the only one among the four siblings who’s involved in the family business --- but that does not mean I was fully convinced that I wanted to be in the family business forever. In fact, prior to last weekend, I was a bit arrogant and didn’t want to have to do anything with the family business in the future due to creeping sense of incapacitation in my work. I felt that the company was not a conducive place to grow, because I was given a lot of leeway in my work ethics while not being given a lot of freedom in being an empowered future business owner. It was a steady tug-of-war between both that would render me overtly stretched in the middle, pained and confused and unfulfilled.

But it turns out that the issues I had weren’t the real issues that would make me do a 180 degree turn to the other direction. I needed to unearth my then-inactive loyalty to the family. 

A great chunk of my life was dedicated to planning what I wanted to do. When I was young, it was easier to blurt out BHAGs because reality was too far away from happening and there were no tangible “what ifs” and conditions that could prevent me from saying so. A lot of people will argue, “Hey, you are the master of your life. No conditions can faze you.” But come on, people. It’s easier said than done.  For example, when I was a proud little fifth grader in elementary school, I was already convinced that I will finish Management Engineering in Ateneo with flying colors. Years passed, I had to take the ACET and I was ready to realize my dream. And then.. BAM! I didn’t make the cut. So yeah, one BHAG down, and I just had to make do with what I have (but I did finish my course with a distinction anyway, so it was ok nonetheless). Another example, when I was a kid, I told my parents that I would be the Chairman of the Board of Directors of a chain of hotels. With wide eyes even, I’d say that without restraint and then I’d point to EDSA Shangri-La Hotel as if to prove a point. But now, hmmmm... I am in the business of wooden pallets and low-cost housing, and all I can say is, “Well, pwede na rin.”

The point is, I always wanted to do things that I could take pride in as my own doing. I always wanted to do things ON MY OWN. Who wouldn’t want to be recognized for a successful project? Who wouldn’t want to be called a self-made woman? But on top of that, I wanted the recognition for success fast. I wanted it NOW. I couldn’t wait to be that banking client who can make bank managers tremble with my sizeable bank account. Or that I would be that person people would talk about during the batch reunion, and they’d wonder how I got to where I am so quickly. As such, I’d get so frustrated when I feel like I’m not learning much, structurally-speaking --- that I seem to have taken the wrong detour to being my own person. Hence, I began to hate myself for making so many mistakes, and I felt very mediocre and unproductive. 

But rambling aside, I’ve been short-sighted all this time. I’ve only been wanting things for myself, imagining myself in a position of greatness. It was all me, me, me, without consideration for how the success of the organization I am involved in will ultimately be my success as well. I cannot be successful as a person alone... I have to be successful in the context of an organization that breathes with me. That’s just the way things are. 

As a last note, I’d like to add that what I can consider my success will only make sense on my deathbed if it’s going to be my happiness as well.  But that’s a different blog entry all together.

Okay, time to work for the family business. Nice and slow.

 

PS: I wrote this last 04 July 2008. It's been a while.