i am you.

NOTE: Since Rina and Apple were the faster bloggers and in spite of drafting a post about it already, just read about our little kitchen shindig from "up early on a saturday" post in Rina's Blog or "Thank God It's Gourmet Friday!" on Apple's Blog, then I won't have to repeat all the details. [There's a fine line between efficient writing and just being a lazy blogger. Hehe.]

Today, I will talk about similarities and differences. Last night, I had quite a colorful conversation with a friend, who pointed out that, in retrospect, people indeed choose only what they want to see. People are forced into specific stereotypes. For example, we have Boy A (Mr. Popular Basketball Jock) and Girl B (Ms. Straight A's Transferee). We'd probably think that Boy A and Girl B are too different and can't even have a 15-minute conversation. Then how is it that they can end up having ridiculously excellent vocals and end up in a HS play? (Anj is probably laughing at me right now). Seriously now, we choose what we see in a person. And it is only in opening up, and allowing others to do the same, can we truly reveal how similar we all are. That is how people make relationships work.

There is something about the light, and our eyes, and our emotions that open up our senses only to specific subjects and limited human characteristics. Our defenses against accepting another is in fact quite hard to control; we are always trying to preserve our ideal selves (read: ego). So people end up becoming different; and thus, conflict becomes inevitable.

I've heard people (including myself) speak of differences so many times as divisive and destructive. There is some truth to that, of course. After all, people do react differently to real-life situations, and the solution in a compromise is not really getting what we want. (Let's face it, you wouldn't call it a compromise if you got what you wanted.) It gets tiring to have to deal with people who don't do or perceive things the way you do. Frustration hovers over that perennial culprit popularly known as expectations. We expect excessively that people can see the world our way always in all ways, as if we are the lords of the universe.

I remember this one time, he says, "You two are actually very similar." And defensively, I responded, "Don't you dare say that we are similar, because we are not. She can never understand where I'm coming from." I was wrong. I think she understood.

There is something greater here, a sense of relational unifying force, that we may want to pay more attention to when we deal with relationships. It is our ability to sympathize with the other. Understanding and sympathy as the bases for being similar is very fulfilling --- because all roads lead to being ONE with the other. Being similar starts with understanding where their concerns and desires are coming from. And shutting out possibilities to be similar wouldn't be human at all, even though we all know that it takes a lot of work.

So when was the last time you talked to a friend to just connect? We can always find something that will bind us together, whether it be a wide range of interests or just that one pinnacle of a characteristic. It could be as simple as the music that we crave or as profound as our brokenness amidst the majesty of life. All we need is that one chance to listen, be heard and usher in acceptance.

I guess I needed to say these things and to proclaim this to the whole world, so that I may accept certain people (and realities that such people bring) even though I disfigured them as enemies or as antagonists in the past. Some people have told me, "You're not giving justice to yourself by letting things be and not fighting for the battles against people who have hurt you." I say, I'm done fighting and now, I'd like to communicate instead. This time, I'll acknowledge that people own their minds that no battle can ever sway --- and that is being similar humanely without losing what makes me different. That is what I'd like to call forgiveness; and the first person I will reward this to is myself.