I need an outlet. Since a Someone is not advisable at the moment, I'm thinking of a Something I can pour my attention to (read: loving affection).
Therefore, I decided to adopt my sister's neglected Jack Russell Terrier named Russia. I've never had a dog before, so I am pretty new on this subject. (The closest I had for a pet were two turtles. Come on, talk about being affectionate.) Plus, this pretty dog's a tough one to train because she has a dominating personality and she is so NOT a puppy.
But I know this dog's intelligent and I'm hoping she'll be a lot different than any of the dogs that came before. I hope this works. Hehe.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
the dog outlet
Saturday, July 15, 2006
no more emo
i'm tired of being emo and unnecessarily melodramatic about everything.
it ends now. hehe.
If you know how to count and you're up for a little twisted puzzle challenge, check out http://n.nfshost.com/ . Let's see how far you can go. :D
Saturday, July 08, 2006
the untouchable
There is this common notion that being unattached translates to being free. That is, if you play your cards right, you can go swimming in the vast oceans in search of your Big Fish. You are as free as a bird to behold the rising and setting of possibilities just behind that majestic mountain. You have the power to scan through the jukebox of your future, hoping you will be able to select the perfect song for that perfect moment.
But when you're broken and you've made mistakes in the past, the reality is the contrary. You were drawn towards the flames before and have suffered burns --- so the fire has become a fearful foe, rather than a source of rejuvenating light. And even the universe insists on this prescribed sense of order. Be wary. You are not ready. You are not entitled to hurt another again.
Hence, I have become untouchable.
But when you're broken and you've made mistakes in the past, the reality is the contrary. You were drawn towards the flames before and have suffered burns --- so the fire has become a fearful foe, rather than a source of rejuvenating light. And even the universe insists on this prescribed sense of order. Be wary. You are not ready. You are not entitled to hurt another again.
Hence, I have become untouchable.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Lost
I LOVE LOST.
At the turn of the tide, I feel this part of me die
I've been on your shore before
And it was no waste of time
Over my head and in my mind
Am I washed on your shore and barely alive?
--- On Your Shore, Charlotte Martin
Graphic courtesy of http://heroinechic.net/
At the turn of the tide, I feel this part of me dieI've been on your shore before
And it was no waste of time
Over my head and in my mind
Am I washed on your shore and barely alive?
--- On Your Shore, Charlotte Martin
Graphic courtesy of http://heroinechic.net/
Monday, July 03, 2006
the gun therapy
This is the perfect anger therapy, and quite the sweat fest (work it out without moving a lot).
9AM. Nothing could stop us. Not even a swerving ticket.
One action shot and a look-Mommy-we-got-guns shot.
Never doubt the girl with a gun. Sweet 'ol Apple happens to be deadly. Beware. :D
i am you.
NOTE: Since Rina and Apple were the faster bloggers and in spite of drafting a post about it already, just read about our little kitchen shindig from "up early on a saturday" post in Rina's Blog or "Thank God It's Gourmet Friday!" on Apple's Blog, then I won't have to repeat all the details. [There's a fine line between efficient writing and just being a lazy blogger. Hehe.]
Today, I will talk about similarities and differences. Last night, I had quite a colorful conversation with a friend, who pointed out that, in retrospect, people indeed choose only what they want to see. People are forced into specific stereotypes. For example, we have Boy A (Mr. Popular Basketball Jock) and Girl B (Ms. Straight A's Transferee). We'd probably think that Boy A and Girl B are too different and can't even have a 15-minute conversation. Then how is it that they can end up having ridiculously excellent vocals and end up in a HS play? (Anj is probably laughing at me right now). Seriously now, we choose what we see in a person. And it is only in opening up, and allowing others to do the same, can we truly reveal how similar we all are. That is how people make relationships work.
There is something about the light, and our eyes, and our emotions that open up our senses only to specific subjects and limited human characteristics. Our defenses against accepting another is in fact quite hard to control; we are always trying to preserve our ideal selves (read: ego). So people end up becoming different; and thus, conflict becomes inevitable.
I've heard people (including myself) speak of differences so many times as divisive and destructive. There is some truth to that, of course. After all, people do react differently to real-life situations, and the solution in a compromise is not really getting what we want. (Let's face it, you wouldn't call it a compromise if you got what you wanted.) It gets tiring to have to deal with people who don't do or perceive things the way you do. Frustration hovers over that perennial culprit popularly known as expectations. We expect excessively that people can see the world our way always in all ways, as if we are the lords of the universe.
I remember this one time, he says, "You two are actually very similar." And defensively, I responded, "Don't you dare say that we are similar, because we are not. She can never understand where I'm coming from." I was wrong. I think she understood.
There is something greater here, a sense of relational unifying force, that we may want to pay more attention to when we deal with relationships. It is our ability to sympathize with the other. Understanding and sympathy as the bases for being similar is very fulfilling --- because all roads lead to being ONE with the other. Being similar starts with understanding where their concerns and desires are coming from. And shutting out possibilities to be similar wouldn't be human at all, even though we all know that it takes a lot of work.
So when was the last time you talked to a friend to just connect? We can always find something that will bind us together, whether it be a wide range of interests or just that one pinnacle of a characteristic. It could be as simple as the music that we crave or as profound as our brokenness amidst the majesty of life. All we need is that one chance to listen, be heard and usher in acceptance.
I guess I needed to say these things and to proclaim this to the whole world, so that I may accept certain people (and realities that such people bring) even though I disfigured them as enemies or as antagonists in the past. Some people have told me, "You're not giving justice to yourself by letting things be and not fighting for the battles against people who have hurt you." I say, I'm done fighting and now, I'd like to communicate instead. This time, I'll acknowledge that people own their minds that no battle can ever sway --- and that is being similar humanely without losing what makes me different. That is what I'd like to call forgiveness; and the first person I will reward this to is myself.
Today, I will talk about similarities and differences. Last night, I had quite a colorful conversation with a friend, who pointed out that, in retrospect, people indeed choose only what they want to see. People are forced into specific stereotypes. For example, we have Boy A (Mr. Popular Basketball Jock) and Girl B (Ms. Straight A's Transferee). We'd probably think that Boy A and Girl B are too different and can't even have a 15-minute conversation. Then how is it that they can end up having ridiculously excellent vocals and end up in a HS play? (Anj is probably laughing at me right now). Seriously now, we choose what we see in a person. And it is only in opening up, and allowing others to do the same, can we truly reveal how similar we all are. That is how people make relationships work.
There is something about the light, and our eyes, and our emotions that open up our senses only to specific subjects and limited human characteristics. Our defenses against accepting another is in fact quite hard to control; we are always trying to preserve our ideal selves (read: ego). So people end up becoming different; and thus, conflict becomes inevitable.
I've heard people (including myself) speak of differences so many times as divisive and destructive. There is some truth to that, of course. After all, people do react differently to real-life situations, and the solution in a compromise is not really getting what we want. (Let's face it, you wouldn't call it a compromise if you got what you wanted.) It gets tiring to have to deal with people who don't do or perceive things the way you do. Frustration hovers over that perennial culprit popularly known as expectations. We expect excessively that people can see the world our way always in all ways, as if we are the lords of the universe.
I remember this one time, he says, "You two are actually very similar." And defensively, I responded, "Don't you dare say that we are similar, because we are not. She can never understand where I'm coming from." I was wrong. I think she understood.
There is something greater here, a sense of relational unifying force, that we may want to pay more attention to when we deal with relationships. It is our ability to sympathize with the other. Understanding and sympathy as the bases for being similar is very fulfilling --- because all roads lead to being ONE with the other. Being similar starts with understanding where their concerns and desires are coming from. And shutting out possibilities to be similar wouldn't be human at all, even though we all know that it takes a lot of work.
So when was the last time you talked to a friend to just connect? We can always find something that will bind us together, whether it be a wide range of interests or just that one pinnacle of a characteristic. It could be as simple as the music that we crave or as profound as our brokenness amidst the majesty of life. All we need is that one chance to listen, be heard and usher in acceptance.
I guess I needed to say these things and to proclaim this to the whole world, so that I may accept certain people (and realities that such people bring) even though I disfigured them as enemies or as antagonists in the past. Some people have told me, "You're not giving justice to yourself by letting things be and not fighting for the battles against people who have hurt you." I say, I'm done fighting and now, I'd like to communicate instead. This time, I'll acknowledge that people own their minds that no battle can ever sway --- and that is being similar humanely without losing what makes me different. That is what I'd like to call forgiveness; and the first person I will reward this to is myself.
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